I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
