Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
