i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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