we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
