I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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