All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
