If that was your dad, he is hot
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.