I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
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I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights