If you die in college, do you die in real life?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud