aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy