ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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