Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
