We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
