I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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