Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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