I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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