I heard we made out
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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