Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
