WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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