I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
