Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
