I can tuck mytits in my pants
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just pee around me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
