he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
