he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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