I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
