i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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