So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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