His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
