Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
