don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
