Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
