she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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