my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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