people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
