I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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