I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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