I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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