drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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