Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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