fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
