i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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