how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He passed out mid-signature
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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