matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
