If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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