I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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