first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
