New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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