Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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