I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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