I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
