I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also, beer. Big fan.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
