So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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