I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
