I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
