Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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