OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
