I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
