Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
