Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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