Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
