You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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