She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
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I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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