I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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