The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
