I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
