i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
