Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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