And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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