I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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