I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
