I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
