He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
