Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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